WeLcoMe To mY wOrLd

23 december 2009....


Pagi tu, sy oredi reserved tmpat ntuk dia...however he sengaja x nak duduk kat situ...prasaan sy time tu? Hmm how to describe..maybe empty kot...just feel a bit “funny”...


Why hard for him to understand my condition? Just bcoz i’m not helping him to sign his attendance during dr maher class, he mad at me till that moment...sy tau dia marah coz dri perbualan telefon dgn dia smlm (22/12/09), nada suara dia mmg len...lgipun ayat 1st yg dia mention was “kmu x tlg sign kan ntuk kelas dr maher”...sy time tu dah rasa brsalah...n said that yg sy tak brani nak tlg sign coz tu kan dr maher...lgipun dr maher ade edarkan soalan ntuk jwb...takut ler gak if kantoi....somemore, sy agak phobia bila kelas prof perumal hri tu, sy tlg dorang 2 sign...suddenly during the lec, prof P ask qs n prof randomly called some names from the name list...nasib ler bukan nama dorang yg kena kol...if x mmg kantoi habis ler...


hmm yg agak wat sy x puas hati bila dia mention yg dia x tau ptg tu ade kelas dr maher...how can that be? After habis praktikal d ungku umar, kmi ekceli ade mention sal jadual petang tu...jam 2 ade slp dr kumaraswamy..then continue with slp n lec from dr maher at 3pm...ekceli chalen n he ade mention mcm mls nak p slp dr kumaraswamy coz dr bukan ade bg soalan pun..just discuss je...so dgr2 mcm dia nak balik hostel n nak balik smula ke galen jam 3pm...


me n chalen plak straight away p labcom smntara tnggu jam 2...time d labcom tu, sy ade lar msj dia n remind jgn ponteng kelas ptg ni...tp dia x balas...bila me n chalen balik p galen, just nmpak ct sorang je...then ct inform yg dia escape n mnta sign...ct ade ckp yg he will come back at 3...


habis kelas dr kumaraswamy....batang hidung dia lngsung tak nmpak...seems like he will x come...dia ade msj kul 3 n tnya kelas blom hbis lg ke? Sy mention yg dat time kan ade kelas dr maher n warn him coz braninya dia escape kelas dr maher...then dri msj dia mcm dia mmg tak tau je ade kelas dr maher petang tu...dunno la...whether dia btol2 tak tau or pretend tak tau...only he yg know...


since he didn’t reply my apologize msj dat nite, i oredi can feel that tomorrow might be a bad day (23/12/09)....


like wat i mention atas2 tu...although i know he mmg x kan duduk sblh sy, but i still reserved the place for him...hahaha last2 the seat just dibiarkan kosong....


then, sy prasan yg dia seems like nak jauhkan diri dri sy or maybe still mrajuk dgn sy...smpaikan p mkn pun tak ajak sy...sy plak time tu rasa sedey r skit...coz sy rasa mcm sy ni just diperlukan bila time2 kesusahan...i’m not saying that he is using me...i know he ikhlas brkwn dgn sy n i oso ikhlas brkawan dgn dia...


tu lah org ckp...susah if kt trlalu attach dgn seseorang...even small2 thing pun bleh sebabkan konflik...ekceli i oredi tired....really2 tired with wat happen before2 this...penah kan dulu i cry bcoz of conflict...but now, i’m oredi strong enuff to hold my tears from falling down...


dat’s why dat day yg dia seems like jauhkan diri dri sy...sy pretend to act normally...i’m not longer Nurul yg easily down due to conflict, n causing my surrounding oso feel the tense...dulu, when i have conflict with someone...keadaan sy mmg nmpak teruk la... sometimes bila my friend try to cheer me up, i just ignore them n sebabkan dorang plak terasa dgn tindakan sy....really2 sorry...


although dat day i pretend to act normally...my friends especially my rumets still know dat there’s smthing happen btwn me n him....obviously, coz both of us didn’t bertegur...


petang rabu 23/12/09....kmi ekceli ade presentation kul 2pm-5pm then will be a lecture from sorang lec dri luar yg berpangkat Datuk start from jam 5-7pm....aiyooo so damn packed oo our schedule...however, nasib baik presentation habis awal dlm jam 3.30 mcm tu...so we have bout 1 n half hours break time....


dat time...plan mo tido je dlm kelas...tp x slesa plak...nak study plak xde mood...so leh krna boring gler...sy pun ajak ler chalen g jln2 ambik angin...ade r gak ajak sifu skali tp sifu x join coz dia tgh dlm mode rjin siapkan notes...hehe pelajar contoh ler katakan...


during the walk with chalen...i ekceli share my problems with her...somemore she’s really wanna to know wat ekceli happen btwn me n him...


we finally find a place yg seswai ntuk lepak2 smbil tenangkan fikiran...nak tau kat ne??haha dkat krusi yg near to cafe sktm tu...kat situ la sy n chalen lepak smpai omost jam 5... tgh best2 borak dgn chalen...tak lama pstu muncul ct yg baru slesai solat...then, ct oso join us lepak kat situ...ct oso ask me the same qs...so, sy pun start crita from the beginning till the end..ape yg sy crita tu smuanya dah sy coretkan dlm entry sblom2 ni...


chalen n ct byk gak ler beri nasihat kat sy...dorang mention, bile kt dah rapat sgt kat seseorang, mmg senang ntuk rasa trsinggung/trasa hati eventhough hal tu nmpak remeh je from pndagn org lain....dorang oso convince me dat no need to worry...he definitely will approach me n apologize....


suddenly, our conversation been interrupt by a msj..laaa sifu rupenya...sifu tnya kmi kat mna...sy ckp la yg kmi tgh lepak2 dkt krusi near to cafe, n oso ask her whether she wan to join oso...hehe she said yes...time tu dlm kul 4.20 dah...sifu smpai2 je, she ask us to start again from the beginning apa ekceli yg kmi borakkan...sy ekceli tak tau nak start dri mana coz byk sgt yg kmi crita td...so sy just simply ask sifu apa yg dia nak tau....


nak tau soalan yg sifu ajukan??? Haha as been expected...she ask the same qs been asked by chalen n ct...due to time limit...sy just simply explain wat ekceli happen...if sifu baca my entry b4 this u will get the whole story...n if u wan to know more from me...it’s fine to me...lgipun i oso hope that both of us can have a talk =)...till now, i ekceli feel sdikit kekok to share my problem with u....coz i realize that b4 this sy byk kali buat salah dkt sifu...so, zhen de xi wang wo men you ji hui to have a talk...


during the time 4 of us gather 2gether...i really love that moment...thanks u guys!!! U guys really a great friend of mine...thanks a lot coz really care bout me n willing to lend ur ears to hear bout my problem...i still realize that no matter wat happen...i still have them at my side...


hmm as wat been said by my friends...dat nite, he finally msj me n apologive for his action dat day...he oso mention dat he don’t want to rely on me anymore...hmm dunno how to say...agak tersentap gak ler when he mention bout don’t wan to rely on me anymore...so, he actually trying to say that he dun wan me to be his PA anymore rite??? So pasni, tak pyah ler sy reserved kan tmpat / ingatkan dia ntuk bwa labkot?? Maybe gak i seems like too interfere with his life...causing him to feel uncomfortable...


if dat yg dia maukan...i respect his decision...as long as me n he are still friend..Cuma x tau whether we able to be close like before or not....
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 today (24/12/09)....


he just act normally n we actually ada interact.....but i oredi can feel the barrier between me n him...i guess impossible for us to back like before...somemore he oredi mention dat he don’t want to rely on me anymore rite....btw, i didn’t feel that he terlalu rely on me...dunno if dia trasa when i keep on calling him as “parasit”...ekceli sy just brgurau je...didnt really meant it...if he feel s like he membebankan sy, his wrong...i don’t even feel like that....


ekceli there’s only one thing that i don’t like bout him...why when he did something wrong, it’s easy for me to accept his apologize...however, when the mistakes come from me, he acting like i have done a really2 huge mistake? Why when i apologize to him, he usually will “jual mahal” n wait till i’m the one feel down barulah he start to approach me?? Sometimes he claimed that when he tarik muka tu, he actually want to play around with me...but for me, most of the cases, it not seems like a joke..


to tell the truth, dat day, although me n him did have communicate...but obviously ade rasa kekok n x sama mcm dulu lgi...haha actually i feel a bit jealous when he communicate dgn mesranya with my other friends...but never mind...slowly, i definitely can adapt with that....


p/s: hmm that’s life......everything changes by time...as wat i said b4...life not owez flow like wat we hope it to be...if we don’t know how to appreciate it...we easily can loss it..