hmmm ntuk entry kali ni...
maybe bit different with my previous entry...
yelah, almost sume entry sy tulis n desrcibe ala2 diari...
cant help ady...coz i'm not like other people dat can came out with brilliant idea...
with ayat bunga2 yang tak terjangkau leh akal sy akeke...
cara penulisan sy simple...but....as u all know....sooooo damnnn detail haha...
everything dat i can remember...even bnda yg korang tak terfikir pun...
sume yg small2 things tu... i definitely will describe it sedetail yg mungkin haha...
dats why ler...everytime i write AN entry...it will take me bout 3-4 hours...
sometimes even more than that hayooo ^^
ermm wait a minute...napa sy tb2 ckp psal tu sume??
reader: yaloh miss nurul...we oso dunno...faster2 continue...
Lol...
orait dis time i will write something different...
reader: u ady tell us bout dat...can u just go to ur main point???? &*^$##%^!@
hihihihi ok2 dun angry maa....
hayoo if u guys asyik interrupt jak mcm mana sy mo continue???
so juz duk diam2 sana n enjoy my writing k haha
reader: ................(silence)
hehe gud2...mcm tu lah =)
wokey....
kali ni i juz wanna to share my review bout perbezaan laki and pompuan....
i cant say it is my thought coz i ekceli take it from a book...
"Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"
haha weird kan...
u guys mesti pelik coz know i'm not a fan of book...
nape tb2 berminat dgn buku tu??
ekceli i know the book from fenny...
yesss fenny our clasmates...
time tu kmi tgh mnggu bus ntuk p hotel dynasty Tang...
mlm cultural nite IMHC...
msa dtg tu, i noticed fenny ade bwa buku...
like a novel for me...
then sy jeling tgk tjuk bku tu...
??? "men from mars...women from venus"
msa bca tajuk tu...i'm confius...
is it a story or wat??
seems not interesting to me haha....
then suddenly, edith come n she tegur bout the book...
edith said dis book nice rite...give opinions and advice...
biler sy dgr edith ckp mcm tu...
hoho wat a boring book...
so i juz ignore their conversation n continue melayan perasaan haha...
suddenly, my ear tertangkap smthing interesting...
fenny started to share some quotes from the book...
1 quote move to another quote...
walawehhh its ekceli true!!!
everything that fenny point of bout MEN and WOMEN from that book are true!!!
Lol its hard to deny it ^^
this book is really2 nice...
we can learnt more bout difference of men n women....
their style of thinking....cara they cope with problem...
cara dorang bgi komitment dlm suatu perhubungan...
sume tu mmg berbeza for men n for women....
haha sound interesting rite?
i really want to read it my self...
hehe nasib edith san ade soft copy bku tu...
so i decide to mnta dgn edith...
Ekceli msa sy tulis entry ni....
sy tak bca pun bku tu...
i just look through certain2 part yg i think interesting...
which i want to share with u guys...
dis book ekceli aim to improve relationship btwn men n women....
hopefully after dis we all can more understand each other haha ^^
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"Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict" (John Gray)
1. Men value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. They are always doing things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. They experience fulfillment primarily through success and accomplishment.
Achieving goals is very important to a men because it is a way for him to prove his competence and thus feel good about himself. And for him to feel good about himself he must achieve these goals by himself. Someone else can't achieve them for him.
Dats why men resist so much being corrected or being told what to do. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own. Men are very touchy about this, because the issue of competence is so very important to them.
so amacam laki2 di luar sana? is it really true?
btw ada lgi statement yg patut korang bca ^^
laki slalunya akan keep their problem to himself....WHY??
this is what they said....
He reasons: "Why involve someone else when I can do it by myself?" He keeps his problems to himself unless he requires help from another to find a solution. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is perceived as a sign of weakness.
However, if he truly does need help, then it is a sign of wisdom to get it. In this case, he will find someone he respects and then talk about his problem.
hmm now barulah sy paham nape kwn sy yg sorang tu acting cold if he having problem...
they dun want others to find out dat they have problem...coz men dun like to bother others with their problem...
dats about men...then wat bout women?
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2. Women value love, communication, beauty, and relationships. They spend a lot of time supporting, helping, and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.
Communication is of primary importance. To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success. (tu lah pompuan...prasaan is everything...dats why kuat emo haha)
Instead of being goal oriented, women are relationship oriented
For women, offering help is not offensive, and needing help is not a sign of weakness. A man, however, may feel offended because when a woman offers advice he doesn't feel she mists his ability to do it himself.
A woman has no conception of this male sensitivity because for her it is another feather in her hat if someone offers to help her. It makes her feel loved and cherished. But offering help to a man can make him feel incompetent, weak, and even unloved.
see...wat a huge difference btwn men and women...
pompuan klau bleh dorang nak share msalah dorang....
coz wif dat ,it can ringankan skit beban yg dorang tnggung...
tp len plak klau laki...laki will never SEEK for help...
coz by doing dat...it mcm mencabar kelakian mereka...
like wat being stated dlm buku tu...it will make them look weak...
somemore...laki oso never offer help unless they been asked...
klau pompuan...nmpak jek org len mcm ada mslh...trus busy body nak tau ape trjadi...
and pda msa yg sma, dorang will offer their help and will help as much as they can ^^
erm bukanler bermakna yg pompuan ni busy body...
ekceli tulah cra pompuan showed their love and care to someone =)
tp bgi laki plak...klau org len try bntu dorang with their problem...
men will feel yg dia ni tak boleh diharap...or...rasa mcm org lain tak percaya dgn kemampuan dirinya ntuk menyelesaikan msalh tu sendiri...it will bcome worse if org yg offer help tu is a woman...
erm conclusion ntuk dis part:
Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own. She does not need to be fixed.
(i guess men is not a good listener compare to women hehe)
Women need to remember that unsolicited advice or criticismespecially if he has made a mistake-make him feel unloved and controlled. He needs her acceptance more than her advice, 'In order to learn from his mistakes. When a man feels that a woman Is not trying to improve him, he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.
(so, if laki ade buat salah..DUN EVER2 CRITISIZE him...juz let he be...he know wats ekceli he is doing)
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HOW THEY COPE WITH STRESS??
MEN....
When a men gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden another men with his problem unless his friend's assistance was necessary to solve the problem. Instead he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave.
If he can't find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game. By disengaging his mind from the problems of his day, gradually he can relax. If his stress is really great it takes getting involved with something even more challenging, like racing his car, competing in a contest, or climbing a mountain.
WOMEN....
When a woman becomes upset or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When women share feelings of being overwhelmed, they suddenly feel better.
For women, sharing your problems with another actually is considered a sign of love and trust and not a burden. women are not ashamed of having problems. Their egos are dependent not on looking "competent" but rather on being in loving relationships. They openly share feelings of being overwhelmed, confused, hopeless, and exhausted.
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haha wat i'm going to share later or easy to say copy paste ^^ is quite funny for me...
why? coz prkara tu bru jek brlaku recently...which telah mnyebabkan i misunderstood bout someone and cause big problem to him...haizzz
When a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she doesn't know how stressed he is. If he were to come home and talk about all his problems, then she could be more compassionate. Instead he doesn't talk about his problems, and she feels he is ignoring her. She can tell he is upset but mistakenly assumes he doesn't care about her because he isn't talking to her.
Women generally do not understand how men cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way women do. When a man is stuck in his cave, a woman resents his not being more open. She feels hurt when he ignores her.
Women need to learn that when a man is upset or stressed he will automatically stop talking and go to his "cave" to work things out. They need to learn that no one is allowed in that cave, not even the man's best friends. This was the way it was on Mars. Women should not become scared that they have done something terribly wrong. They need gradually to learn that if you just let men go into their caves, after a while they will come out and everything will be fine.
hahaha i guess...if i read bout dis earlier...
all those salah paham wont happen pnya ^^
hak3 baa ni lah pompuan...org nda layan skit trus buat muka...
akekeke cant help ady...coz i'm a woman -_- and dats the way woman act...
conclusion ntuk how ekceli men and women cope with stress...
for men..they needed to withdraw to cope with stress...
they want time for themselves to be alone and at the same times trying find solution to their problem...
dats why they go to their private "cave"...
At such times, he needs to be alone to cool off and find his control again...
He doesn't want to do or say anything he might regret....
for women plak...they needed to talk to feel better...
just let them talk...they ekceli dun want men to fix the problem for them...
wats ekceli yg dorang nak....is just, the men can be pendengar setia...
empathy is important =)
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THE SILENCE.....
When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst because the only times a woman would be silent are when what she had to say would be hurtful or when she didn't want to talk to a person because she didn't trust him anymore and wanted to have nothing to do with hirn. No wonder women become insecure when a man suddenly becomes quiet!
When a woman listens to another woman, she will continue to reassure the speaker that she is listening and that she cares. Instinctively when the speaker pauses the female listener will reassure the speaker by making reassuring responses like "oh, uh-huh, hmmm, ah, ah-ha, or humph."
Women need to understand that when he is silent, he is saying "I don't know what to say yet, but I am thinking about it." Instead what they hear is "I am not responding to you because I don't care about you and I am going to ignore you. What you have said to me is not important and therefore I am not responding."
p/s: so ladies out there...dun easily misinterprating men's silence ^^
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more interesting part menyusul~
hehe hope u guys enjoy reading it...
coz it is an reality!!
its our everyday life haha...
here...
some phrase yg slalu dimisinterprating leh women...
when men said...
"I'm OK"
it means - "I am OK, I can deal with my upset. 1 don't need any help, thank you."
women pikir...
ooo he is actually not ok...and malu to share his upset filling...or women oso might think yg men do not trust them n dats why men dun wan to share their problem...
when men said...
"Im fine"
it means - "I am fine because I am successfully dealing with my upset or problem. I don't need any help. If I do I will ask."
women pikir...
the men is ekceli dun care wat has happened....
when men said...
"It's nothing"
it means - "Nothing is bothering me that I cannot handle alone. Please don't ask any more questions about it."
women pikir...
they shud ask more bout that coz they think men dunno wats ekcleli yg bother him and feel like men wanna them to ask more bout dat...haha it is ekceli WRONG...ape yg laki tu nak is LEAVE HIM ALONE!
when men said...
"It's all right"
it means - 'This is a problem but you are not to blame. I can resolve this within myself if you don't interrupt my process by asking more questions or offering suggestions. just act like it didn't happen and I can process it within myself more effectively."
women pikir...
wlpun laki tak salahkan pompuan...but pompuan still rasa dat..it's not all right...she think maybe dis time dia dimaafkan...but not for 2nd time...
POKOKNYA...
whenever u guys heard MEN said all those words...
dun try to acting like a life saver or easy to say busy body...
coz wats they ekceli want is
to be alone...
they want silence and space....
so ladies...pliz stop to bother them okay =)
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MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS
Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle.This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
Likewise, when a man has stretched away his full distance, he will return with a lot of power and spring. Once he pulls away to his limit, he begins to go through a transformation. His whole attitude begins to shift. This man who did not seem to care about or be interested in his partner (while he was pulling away) suddenly cannot live without her. He is now feeling again his need for intimacy. His power is back because his
desire to love and be loved have been reawakened.
This is generally puzzling for a woman because in her experience if she has pulled away, becoming intimate again requires a period of reacquaintance. If she doesn't understand that men are different in this way, she may have a tendency to mistrust his sudden desire for intimacy and push him away.
haha haizz pelik oo kan laki ni...
biler dorang dah merasai LOVE di tahap maximum...
suddenly dorang act mcm dah bosan with all that...
and cuba jauhkan diri from their partner...
In the beginning of relationship, the man was strong and full of desire. His rubber band was fully stretched. He wanted to impress her, fulfill her, please her, and get close to her. As he succeeded she also wanted to get closer. As she opened her heart to him he got closer and closer. When they achieved intimacy he felt wonderful. But after a brief period a change took place.
Imagine what happens to the rubber band. The rubber band becomes limp. Its power and
stretch are gone. There is no longer any movement. This is exactly what happens to a man's desire to get close after intimacy has been achieved.
Even though this closeness is fulfilling to a man, he will inevitably begin to go through an
inner shift. He will begin to feel the urge to pull away. Having temporarily fulfilled his hunger for intimacy, he now feels his hunger to be independent, to be on his own. Enough of this needing another person. He may feel he has become too dependent or may not know why he feels a need to pull away.
(well cant help ady...its natural kan...so ladies...just have to accept it akeke)
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WOMEN ARE LIKE WAVES
A woman is like a wave. When she feels loved, her self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion.When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. This crash is temporary. After she reaches bottom suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically her wave begins to rise back up.
The experience of "going down" is like going down into a dark well.When a women goes into her "well" she is consciously sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling. She may suddenly experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings.
She may feel hopeless, thinking she is all alone or unsupported. But soon after she reaches the bottom, if she feels loved and supported, she will automatically start to feel better. As suddenly as she may have crashed, she will automatically rise up and again radiate love in her relationships.
In a relationship, men and women have their own rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible. He may feel extremely frustrated because he doesn't know how to make things better. One minute she seems happy, and so he believes he is doing a good job and then the next minute she is unhappy. He is shocked because he thought he was doing so well.
(sometimes bukan slh laki maa...pompuan moody ada byk sebab...maybe PMS haha...or maybe ada other unexplained reasons...mcm kes laki yg pulled back...the cause is idiopathic rite?)
LOLS...so funny...
mcm2 ragam kaum adam and hawa ni...
laki dgn pull back-nya while pompuan dgn naik turun wave-nya...
ottukay...its all natural...
that's the way men and women act...
so if ada problem dlm suatu relationship tu,
x payah ler nak tuding jari salahkan 1 sama lain...
no use laa...
paling penting, dlm relationship tu msti ade UNDERSTANDING...
and the need to melengkapi antara 1 sama lain =)
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WOMEN DONT WANT TO BE FIX
Telling a woman she shouldn't feel hurt is about the worst thing a man can say. It hurts her even more, like poking a stick into an open wound. When a woman is feeling hurt, she may sound as if she is blaming him. But if she is given care and understanding, the blame will disappear.
Trying to explain to her why she shouldn't be hurt will make matters much worse.
Sometimes when a woman is hurting she may even agree intellectually that she shouldn't be hurting. But emotionally she is still hurting and doesn't want to bear from him that she
shouldn't he hurting. What she needs is his understanding of why she is hurting.
so, laki2 di luar sana...
if pompuan tgh "down", dun ever2 said "jgn ler emo2" / "takkan pasal tu pun nak moody"....coz it hurts her even more...
wat men shud do juz try to selami wats ekceli happen...
did i ever said something wrong just now?
then if u realise its ekceli ur fault...
a word sorry may not cause u so much trouble rite?
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MEN DONT WANT TO BE IMPROVED
Just as men want to explain why women shouldn't be upset, women want to explain why men shouldn't behave the way they do. just as men mistakenly want to "fix" women, women mistakenly try to 'improve" men.
Men see the world through Martian eyes. Their motto is "don't fix it, If it isn't broken." When a woman attempts to change a man, he receives the message that she thinks he is broken. This hurts a man and makes him very defensive. He doesn't feel loved and accepted.
A man needs to be accepted regardless of his imperfections. To accept a person's imperfections is not easy, especially when we see how he could become better. It does, however, become easier when we understand that the best way to help him grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
hmm i guess not only men need that...
women oso need to be accepted regardless of her imperfections...
coz in dis world....
NO ONE IS PERFECT =)
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well well well...
i guess enuff oredi laa kan...
if u guys wanna to know more bout perbezaan laki n pompuan ni...
try read the book by urself...
haha to tell the truth, i ekceli manage to read half of the book while i'm trying to finish this entry....
its still plenty to be discover...
tak larat for me to mention all here...
u guys read sndri lah ye...
tu pun klau korang rase interest to read haha...
sebagai penutup entry....
here are 6 things that men and women need....
1. She Needs Caring and He Needs Trust
2. She Needs Understanding and He Needs Acceptance
3. She Needs Respect and He Needs Appreciation
4. She Needs Devotion and He Needs Admiration
5. She Holds Validation and He Needs Approval
6. She Needs Reassurance and He Needs Encouragement
p/s: hope u guys enjoy reading bout it =) no offense k....tujuan sy write bout dis bukan ler nak meninggikan lgi benteng antara laki and pompuan...its just a way for us to understand more bout each other....both men and women are not perfect in certain2 way...its natural rite...nobody is perfect maa...both men and women need each other to live a happy life (n.n)
Reference: "MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS"
