WeLcoMe To mY wOrLd

why this happen again?
eventhough i'm trying hard to avoid it, it still happen..
why??

bila dipikirkan balik, most of the time konflik trjadi coz ada pihak terlalu sensitif n easily tersinggung...
wlau mcm mana pun, all things back to its track after word "sorry" diungkapkan...
tp not in this case...seems like prkataan "sorry" tu dah hilang its "magic healing"...

for me, i thought this konflik sma mcm konflik2 b4 this...
wat i mean is..it's not a big deal..just prkara kecik jak pun..
maybe 2-3 hari pastu ok laa tu...
coz from wat i know, he mad bcoz i'm trlepas ckp ayat "suka hati sy la"...
i dunno if there's something else dat i did...but dat's the only thing dat i can recalled..
b4 this, its not a big deal wat, when i use ayat tu...
lgipun, time tu i'm quite hot bila asyik didesak ntuk cpat siapkan label sketch book tu...
so how should i respond with that??
but, d thing is, its my reflex reaction towards wat he said to me...
bila org asyik kondem suh cpt siapkan smething, for me, biasala if org jwb "suka hati sy laa"...

i know laa he time tu mmg not in a good mood n easily feel sensitive...
when the next day i apologize to him, he said dat mmg senang nak ucapkan sorry bila kt sedar yg kt dah lukakan hati seseorang...but do u even consider bout the other's feeling when u did dat? when i read it, its make me feel yg i'm really2 a bad person...yg paling sy x leh trima when he mention bout "apa prasaan org tu bila dimalukan dpn org len"...actually i dun ever understand wat he meant...bile masa plak sy malukan dia?besar sgtkah kesalahan sy smpai dia ckp mcm tu?

i guess i'm being even CRUEL in my msj...
i did mention bout smthing yg for sure will tmbahkan luka d hati dia...
manusia mmg mcm ni...bila time emosi tak stabil, they will tend to "mengungkit" bout the pass tnpa fkir apa prasaan org len bila kt mention sal hal tu...
personally, i think, when kt dlm keadaan mcm tu, most of the things yg kt lafazkan mmg lahir dri hati...its something yg kt dah lama simpan dlm hati cuma tak brani n tak tau mcm mana nak luahkan...whY??easy, bcoz we care bout others feeling...

tujuan sy mention bout all this things bukannlah sebab nak cari salah siapa2...
or nak letakkan 100% kesalahan tu pda certain pihak...NO...its not wat i mean...
ekceli semua ni berpunca coz each of us (yg terlibat) ada contribute "something" yg akhirnya mencetuskan konflick antra kmi...

let's recap..

emosi x stabil ---> cepat panas ---> org len pun panas--->terlepas ckp ---> ada yg trasa ---> org yg trasa tu for sure will sngaja interact with everyone except 1 person ----> then the person yg kena "abai" bru realize yg dia oredi make someone mad

this cycle berlaku omost every week!!
i wonder why???
why bila sy dah bebaik dgn pihak ni, dgn pihak lain plak K.O
maybe between us, we dont have the chemistry...
no matter how we want to avoid it, it still happen...
tak bleh ke we just live harmonily without any konflik??

its sure the hardest thing to do...bcoz we actually dealing with hati n prasaan...
bg pihak sy sndri, i think i oredi did my very2 best to puaskan hati org len...to care bout others feeling smpaikan sy rasa sometimes sy telah abaikan prasaan sy sndri...
i think the others oso feel prkara yg sma...they oso think dat they oredi did the best to care bout others feeling...n tertanya-tanya napa owez they the one yg mengalah??? they care bout others feeling but why org len tak leh jga prasaan kt???

from wat i seem...
ekceli our character omost the same...
tahap kesensetifan tu pun hmpir sama...
masing2 mau pertahankan ego...
no need laa to tunding jari sepa yg patut dipersalahkan...
its our own fault...
sy percaya kt semua akan cepat sensitif when emosi kt tak stabil...then we oso tend to pendamkan sgala ketidakpuasan hati bila kt trasa dgn org...kt akan slalu ckp mcm ni...takpelaa...biarkanlaa..perkara kecik je ni...tp, tau tak the consequences bila kt suka sgt pendamkan prasaan ni??

i bet we all know...
lama2 for sure smua ni will blow out from our head in a bad way...
we definitely tend to mengungkit bout the pass n utarakan sgala yg terbuku d hati...
well dats the key point...
so, pengajarannya, jgn lahh get too emo...try to kontrol the emosi...jgnlah suka pendamkan prasaan...if rasa tak puas hati trus ckp direct kat org tu...

is it dgn mcm tu all this thing x kan berulang lagi??? i dunno..i dun have any guarantee...maybe things will ge better or even worsen..we never know...
we can promise to follow the rules, but its really subjective...coz we dealing with our own perasaan n oso with other's perasaan...sometime we can control it but sometimes we cannot...

every people pray n hope the best for the future...but kita hanya mampu merancang n tuhan yang menentukan sgalanya...when the thing happen diluar kehendak kita...x payah laa nak menyeksa diri n menyalahkan takdir...i know its hurt when we oredi plan something nicely, but at the end things not flow as being planned...no need to feel down sebab tuhan tu maha mengetahui apa yang terbaik buat hamba2Nya...remember this, tuhan tidak akan menguji hambaNya dgn ujian yg kita tak dapat tempuh...god know our limit....sometimes, tuhan beri kita ujian coz tuhan nak tengok tahap keimanan kta, the way we act with the ujian..or maybe tuhan nak beri kita petunjuk n guide  us so dat kta tak menyimpang ke arah keburukan....dun even feel down with ujian yg tuhan berikan...maybe for a while ok laa, tp jgn sesekali biarkan the thing berlarutan n affect our social life....wat do u get when u isolate urself?? no use!! u not only hurt urself badly, but u oso hurt people at ur surrounding...why u have to korbankan wat u oredi have semata-mata ntuk mengejar something yg tak pasti??

me myself oso should wake up from this dream...its enuff oredi...no use to put some hope for something yg tak pasti...bcoz at the end, i'm the one yg feel the pain....

be strong nurul!!hey u r a strong girl rite??chaiyok2!! dun let all this thing affect ur life...u should appreciate wat u have especially ur family...they owez there for u...tidak kira betapa buruknya diri kt, family will owez accept us the way we are...besides family, u still have ur friends...yg penting, dun even feel dat u're alone bcoz no matter u realize it or not, u owez have someone yg still sayangkan u n care bout u....if u really think that no people care bout u, u still have god...dun ever2 loss ur belief in god...

 p/s: till now, i still dont have the courage to tegur him...so do him...he did text me n mention "dunno why its so hard to back on track..maybe need a lit bit of time"...i oso feel the same...its better for us to give space to each other..hopefully time will heal everything...

::: next entry i'll talk bout my mother's birthday event...sorry for the delay, bcoz now its not a suit time to talk bout dat...give me sometime yer chalen ^^ :::